ihath

Former Israeli prime minister Ehud Barak said in a televised interview that; had he been born in Gaza he would have joined Hamas. Several days later he apologized for making that statement following controversy over it. Given his military career and the fact that he never shied away from a good fight, I suspect that he meant what he said in the first place.

Rachel Corrie on the other hand, believed in non violent resistance. She didn’t believe in Hammas. She went to Gaza to protest the occupation through no-violent means. On march 16, 2003, Rachel Corrie’s skull and chest were crushed by an Israeli driven, American made bulldozer.

When I feel down I will listen to the song “I will survive”, It has magical powers over me. I just have to listen to it once to turn everything around in my mind.

At first I was afraid.
I was petrified.
I kept thinking I
could never live
Without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you'd done me wrong.
I grew strong.
I learned how
to get along.


And so you're back from outer space.
I just walked
in to find you here
Without that look upon your face.
I should have
changed my fucking lock.
I would have made you leave your key
If I'd
have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me.

Oh now
go.
Walk out the door.
Just turn around now.
You're not welcome
anymore.
Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did
you think I'd crumble?

Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh not I.

I will survive.
As long as I know how to love
I know I'll be
alive.
I've got all my life to live.
I've got all my love to give.
I
will survive.
I will survive.

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart.
I'm trying hard to mend
The pieces of my
broken heart.
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for
myself.
I used to cry.
But now I hold my head up high.

And
you'll see me with somebody new.
I'm not that stupid little person
Still
in love with you.
And so you thought you'd just drop by,
And you expect
me to be free.
But now I'm saving all my lovin'
For someone who's lovin'
me.

Oh now go.
Walk out the door.
Just turn around now.
You're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one
Who tried to break
me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down
and die?
Oh not I.

I will survive.
As long as I know how to love
I know I'll be alive.
I've got all my life to live.
I've got all my
love to give.
I will survive.
I will survive.

My favorite part in the song is when she says [Oh now go. Walk out the door.] That is when I imagine myself dancing wearing big leather boots ready to kick somebody in the behind. That is the turning point in the song for me, that is the point where darkness lifts and hope begins. [ Just turn around now. You’re not welcome anymore.]

Speaking of sick fantasies. I sometimes fantasize that I am driving in car when a rocket hits my car. CNN reports “Blogger code named ihath was assassinated today by the CIA on her way to work this morning, she was suspected in corrupting the minds of our youth with her blogging.”. Images of the burning car and firefighters in the background. I figure, if I am gonna go, I would rather go with a bang. It seems so glamorous to be assassinated by the CIA or the Mossad.

One person who didn’t have to fantasize is Sheik Ahmed Yassin. An Israeli strike helicopter fired three missiles at the wheel chair bound, blind and nearly deaf quadriplegic Yassin and his entourage while on their way back home following the dawn prayers.

I will always remember the first time I heard Sheik Ahmed Yassin’s name. I was at work in Jerusalem and one of my coworkers had the radio on listing to the news. It was Sept 25, 1997. The news reported that several mossad agents were caught red handed after an attempt to assassinate Khalid Meshal in Amman Jordan. They managed to hit him in the neck with a dart that contained a deadly but untraceble poison, somehow the Jordanian police were able to catch them. Apparently this poison makes the victim die few days later in what appears to be a heart attack. In return for the release of the mossad agents, Jordan was asking Israel to provide an antidote for the poison injected into Meshal’s body and also a demand was made to release Sheik Ahmed Yassin from prison. The reason this news release drew my attention had nothing to do with Hammas, Meshal or Yassin, I was worried about my husband whom I had just said goodbye to, that very morning. He had just boarded an airplane to Canada going through London. The mossad agents used Canadian passports to enter Jordan, my husband was carrying a Canadian passport as well. A Canadian passport that states he was born in Israel, he has an Arabic name, brown skin and he is traveling on the same exact day mossad agents have been caught in an assassination attempt. Surely my husband will be a suspect in something or other. I kept praying that my husband gets to his destination safely with minimum harassment.

Later on, my husband told me that in London Heathrow airport he was interrogated, except he hadn’t heard the news and thus had no idea why they were interrogating him. He thought that maybe the English security officers were looking for drugs, he kept telling them, just search my luggage, let’s get this over with. But they were not interested in his luggage they kept examining his passport carefully and took photocopies of each page from it. Eventually he was able to board the plane. Once he arrived in Canada he heard the news and finally understood the extra handling.

Few days later Sheik Ahmed Yassin was released from prison. On the news they showed him being carried by supporters. He looked frail, weak and all shriveled up. His wife was standing in the door in anticipation, huge smile on her face. Later on, he gave an interview with a journalist, he could barely speak, he would pause between the words, the simple act of talking was putting him out of breath. I thought to myself, this guy will die in few weeks, he looked nearly dead already. Weeks later he looked invigorated and more energetic. As if the release from prison breathed a new life into him In some arab media, Yassin’s release was likened to the release of Nelson Mandela. I am a big admirer of Nelson Mandela and it always irritates me when people compare lesser men to him. Sheik Ahmed Yassin, was a demagogue. He believed that establishing an Islamic state was the only solution, he believed that secularism was the enemy and I can’t imagine that his views on women rights were all that enlightened. In short, he disapproved of everything that I believe in. Everything, except for one thing.

Some people call Gaza the biggest prison in the world, the small strip of land is surrounded with a security wall from all directions. By security wall I mean ditches, flood lights and barb wire. Inside this prison live 1.5 million Palestinians, whose lives are made bitter by 5,000 Israeli settlers, who in turn need to be protected with a bazillion soldiers and Jewish only roads. Gaza is one the most densely populated areas in the world.

I am not grieving his death. The man lived by the sword and died by the sword. I am not grieving because I shall miss him or miss his speeches. I am grieving because I know what will come next.

In Gaza, you can die like a dog or you can go with blast.

Some go one way and some go the other.

Choose, everybody must and yet life goes on.

Despite me and you.

People who know me in person say that I am a hopeless optimist.

People who know me say that I always look on the bright side.

People who know me say that I always have a laugh or a smile to spare.

So on this day, I will play my song, but this time I hear it say something that wasn’t there before.

Hey, hey hey.

Oh now go.
Walk out the door.
Just turn around
now.
You're not welcome anymore.
Take your stupid little tanks.
Your
big macho soldiers.
And give us back our land
Did you think we’ll
crumble?
Did you think we’ll lay down and die?
Oh not us.

We will survive.
We’ve got all our lives to give.

We’ve got
nothing else to lose.
For each Yassin you kill
15 new will be
born.
We will survive.
Somehow, We will survive.

There is a way between voice and presence where information flows.