ihath

It is time for plan B.

I am going to buy Israel. Yes! you heard that right. That is my plan. I will buy the whole country and convert it into a state where each person has a single vote and each person is equal. It will resolve the conflict and everybody will be happy.

I have been an activist for 2 years, I have gone to numerous demonstrations. I have been part of a small but active group, we have hosted forums, contacted politicians, the media, tried to raise awareness about the human rights violations against the Palestinians. I have spend many weekends standing on the streets giving out leaflets, I learned to speak at public forums and give presentations, something I wasn’t very good at in the beginning and I have learned to refute every argument slung at me with concise yet razor sharp rebuttal. I wrote hundreds of letters to editors of our major newspapers, pointing out their biases. I got so frustrated with our major newspapers that I eventually gave up writing letters to the editor and started writing my own articles and had limited success getting some of the published. The plan was to create public pressure in north America that would force Israel to give basic human rights to the Palestinians. The thought was to use the same tactics as with the Apartheid government in south Africa, that by creating international pressure on the south African government was a impetus for change, that we could do the same with Israel. In fact many people involved with the pro Palestinian movement have been involved in the anti Apartheid movement as well. We wrote up pamphlets and other literature, we built a cool website and we have a yahoo newsgroup to spread the news. We have had our small successes here and there were times when I felt the message was getting through, but in the mean time things have only gotten worse for the Palestinian people. During those two years, Israel had started to build the separation wall which will encircle Palestinian communities into little isolated islands. The policy of targeted assassinations had started and on most days at least a few Palestinian civilians have died. Recently we have heard the American President give Israel the green light to do as they please and the rest of the world doesn’t seem to care, not beyond words anyway. . We have seen Sheik Ahmed Yassin and Abed Al Azziz Rantissi assassinated, and nobody seems to care. So I think it is time to acknowledge that despite of all the hard work of the last two years it really made no difference. I felt so mad at first when I heard George Bush over the radio few days ago commending Ariel Sharon and giving him backing to everything he has ever dreamed of. And then I realized that I have no reason to be mad. President George Bush simply had the courage to clearly and honestly outline the American policy towards Israel and Palestine. This has been America’s policy all along, under Clinton, Bush the father, Reagan. They all paid lip service to the Palestinian right of self determination while allowing Israel to do as they wish. I read in a news paper that this is drastic change in the American policy towards the middle east. It isn't. This is exactly the American policy in the middle east all along. I admire President Bush for being honest, I admire him for having the courage to get real. I finally realized it was time to stop paying lip service to my own believes and get real as well. It is silly to think that you can keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results. I think it is time to abandon plan A and envision a new plan. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you my plan B. A plan that will create a revolutionary peace in the Middle East without shedding a single drop of blood or engaging a single soldier.

My plan is to do a Bill Gates stunt, develop some software and convince everybody in the world that they have to buy it. I will become a bazilionaire and use the money to buy the state of Israel. I will simply buy everything there is to buy in that country, land, media, businesses whatever is up for sale, I will buy it. It’s not a very big country so it is not that hard to buy either, all of it or most of it. I figure I will need about 85 billion dollars to accomplish the task. Once I have majority ownership stake in the country I will create a quiet revolution. I will fire the Knesset (Israeli parliament) and remove the prime minister out of power. Megalomaniacs like myself should not rule countries so instead I will instate my good friend Alyson as the interim ruler of the state for a year. Alyson is a zen new age type of person, very concerned with justice and equality in the world. However because of our special friendship and since I am the one that placed her in power I would expect that my ideas would have some influence on the new government. Alyson will assemble a transitional government whose members will represent all the various ethnic groups living in Israel: Jewish, Palestinian, Badu, Druze, People who believe they are the next messiah, all the different groups. During that year a provisional constitution will be drawn - guaranteeing equal rights to everybody, one citizen one vote. The provisional constitution will be subject to the approval of the transitional governing counsel, but I am already sure that will adopt the constitution that I have drawn for them because it is so great, I can’t imagine they will possibly be able to improve on it. That year will also be used to prepare for elections and reeducating people about concepts of human rights, justice and equality, yes even the Palestinian deserve equal rights, what a radical concept. We will call the new state Israstien and create a new flag that is representative of all the ethnic group. The transitional government can choose a different name if they like - hey I always said I believed in democracy and freedom of the individual. In fact I was raised in a democratic family. When I was a kid my dad always said that we were a domocratic family. To teach us the principles of democracy he would let my brother and myself vote on decisions like which restuarant to go to on the weekend or what activities to do during the summer holidays. I frequantly called my dad's democracy a one legged democracy, because we only voted on the things of little consequance. All important matters were decided in my fathers head all by himself. My father would always respond by telling me that as the head of the family he maintains certain veto rights. I am only telling you this story to illustrate that I was raised with democracy flowing in my blood. But I digress, back to plan B. The west bank and gaza strip will become part of Israstien. All hostilities will end and there will be nothing to fight over, once everybody has equal rights. Eventually, democratic elections, in the end will have a big party. Dance, music and plenty of ululations. We will party for days as if we are in some perpetual weddings, the party will go on until everybody is too tired to party anymore, one long rave, beats having a genocide but is equally tiring. Finally, everybody will go home to sleep it off and when they get up there will be peace, just like that.

Anybody wishing to make a donation to my free Israel fund please make a donation, each dollar will get me closer to my goal. All you skeptical lefties shaking your heads at my idea, Capitalism rocks! we just haven’t seen it applied appropriately until now, but I intend to change that. Wealthy people of the world, unite!

Alyson will be moved to rule over my next purchased country.

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