Losing Sleep
If I hear one more American say that they are sorry about the pictures of the abuse of Iraqi prisoners, I will gag.
A year ago, each time you said you were Iraqi, people would transpose the head of Saddam over yours in their imagination’s Photoshop abilities. Nowadays, each time you say you are Iraqi people imagine you standing there with a bare bottom. I don’t know which one is more humiliating, the Saddam head transplant or walking around in public with a bare bottom? When I was a University student I had a recurrent nightmare. I am doing one of my final exams. The professor hands me the exam papers. I look at all the questions and I can’t answer them, not even one. I start sweating. I look down at the dripping sweat to realize that I am completely naked. I am sitting in the classroom 100% naked. In my hurry to get to my exam on time, I forgot to get dressed. I start debating with myself if I should run out to the dormitories and get dressed and rush back to finish my exam, or whether I should just sit there and do my exam and hope that nobody will notice that I am naked. At that point, I would usually wake up to great relieve. I am in my room, I am fully dressed in my comfy pajamas and it is only 4 am in the morning. 3 more hours of sleep. I frequently would assure myself that the nightmare could never happen because I always went to bed in very modest pajamas, so even if by some miracle I forgot to change one morning I would show up to the exam in my pajamas and fuzzy slippers, which is much less embarrassing than showing up naked. So the nightmare could never become a reality. Another reoccurring nightmare of my youth is of me running in a field. The sun is shining into my eyes. I look behind me, Saddam in chasing me with a machine gun in his hand. I run as fast as I can. I look for a ditch or a cave to hide in. Eventually I fall. I am lying on the ground waiting for the bullets to penetrate my body. In most cases I would wake up at that point to the great relieve of discovering that it was just dream. I would touch my stomach and chest to assure myself that there are no bullet holes in my body. On few occasions the dream would continue, I get sprayed with bullets and then I just lay there on the ground. Finally there is no fear …. an eerie sense of quiet. I sleep through the nightmare and remember it the next day. I haven’t had either nightmares in many years. But lately I keep thinking about those horrible pictures of torment we saw from the prison of Abu Ghraib. I keep thinking about it, I can’t push it out of my mind. I am worried the nightmares will come back. Only this time I will be running in the field naked with a hood over my head, Saddam, Bush and a US marines are chasing after me and after I get shot I stay alive, the agony continues. My two nightmares become a single unified mother of all enduring freedom nightmare.
I used to dream of Iraq without Saddam and without the rule of Ba’ath regime. It was a rosey and hopeful dream. Now I have to imagine Iraq without Ba’ath coming back to power, Without religious clerics taking hold of the government, without a civil war, without the control and influence of Iran, without the interference of Qaeda and other crazies out to destroy the world, without the American occupation, without psycopaths that make grotesque porno movies using us as loyal subjects, without capitalists that will sell our kidneys on eBay and without a genocide. To tell you the truth, I am having a hard time visualizing it all in my head. On Friday I was sitting on the couch after dinner, with a big frown on my face. My husband asked me: why the doom and gloom? You look like a woman that has just berried her husband. I told him that I just realized that things will be a mess in Iraq for many generations to come and there is nothing I can do about it. Last week I had hope that things will get sorted out in my life time. I am mourning the loss of the beautiful dream I held in my imagination for such a long time.
We heard Rumsfield and Bush say that they are sorry about the abuse of Iraqi prisoners. Isn’t democracy and free media great? We never got to hear that Saddam was sorry about all the things he did to the Iraqi people and we never will, I suspect. Just imagine Saddam coming on TV saying: Sorry about the mass graves, sorry about the wars, sorry about the mess, sorry I am such a dork, sorry that I exist. Naaah! it will never happen. Would it make a difference? So is this what democracy and free media is about? You get to hear a powerful man say he is sorry once in a while. Well I am not very impressed. Some of you are all so excited that Bush might lose the next election. You get to vote for the party of the rich versus the party of the even richer. You can have your morally corrupt corporately sponsored president A, versus morally corrupt corporately sponsored president B. People keep telling me that Clinton would have never invaded Iraq. True, but he was perfectly happy to starve the Iraqi people with the sanctions forever and bomb them only on occasion. May I remind you that your hero John F. Kennedy did not withdraw out of Vietnam and did little more than give lip service to the civil rights movement. We never heard that anybody was sorry about American war crimes in Vietname, 3 milion killed. We never heard that anybody was sorry about America's war crimes all over the world. So you can get all excited about your democracy and how great it is. You can be impressed with the Presidents apology.
People tell me they are sorry when they accidentally step on my toe. People tell me they are sorry when they are late for a meeting. Once in a while I hear a sorry from my husband. He wants to avoid a fight so he will say he is sorry even though he doesn’t mean it.
The time for being sorry has long past. It is time for you to get mad. Start getting angry.
There is a way between voice and presence where information flows.
In disciplined silence it opens.
With wandering talk it closes. .... Rumi
4:22 PMThis post has been removed by a blog administrator.
5:09 PM
A new look and a comment section! :-) Hello ihath.
Let me start, in typical blogger fashion, by contradicting. Clinton would have invaded Iraq. After 9/11, it was inevitable that the President of the U.S. would take a good look at the Middle East and ask, "just what the hell are we doing there?" The U.S. was already involved in Iraq, enforcing fly zones and sanctions which at that point looked more ludicrous and counter-productive than ever. There were two options, withdrawal and invasion, and the former would not have happened without first giving one last nudge... which essentially is how the actual invasion was presented; U.S. forces will be withdrawn after things are "set aright". And Clinton has, in fact, been very supportive of the invasion.
The world is a cruel place. The U.S. history of warfare, intervention and meddling could be that of any other country. But the U.S. are not like other countries in every aspect. Everything considered, I am glad to live in the U.S. sphere of influence, rather than that of, say, Russia or China. The U.S. do get things right, part of the time.
8:24 PM
Oh ihath,
I'm not sure I should read you in order to gain any insights about Iraq. You don't live there any more, and being married to a Palestinian may involve a lot of anti-American baggage. You seem to be part of the crowd that doesn't really care if Iraq succeeds or not as long as you can make the US look bad. Enjoy life in your new country and leave philosophizing about Iraq to those who stayed behind.
8:43 PM
Yes Ron, Any Iraqi that is married to a Palestinian can't possibly be capable of rational thinking. As if being born Iraqi wan't bad enough.
3:57 PM
There are Americans who care too ihath, and British. It's not easy for them to have influence either, but you are not alone.
10:58 PM
Beside dropping off the face of the earth is there anything that American could do to make you happy. I hope you have a nice life in Vancouver. It is probably the most beautiful city in North American
9:31 AM
Yes Joe, there is one thing that Americans can do that would make me happy. Since your government has such an influence on what happens all over the world, I think that the rest of the world should have a say in who is elected the president of the United States. You can start by allowing Iraqis to vote in the next elections. We are under American jurisdiction plus, Washington has more influence on Iraq than Iraq has on itself. I think that it is only fair that every Iraqi citizen gets to vote in the next American elections.
3:37 PM
Ihath i think thats perfectly reasonable! in exchange for iraqis and perhaps other arabs having voting rights in america, it'd be fair for americans/europeans/western nations to formally have voting rights in the middle east.
4:14 PM
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4:31 PM
In view of the fact that the United States of America is the only remainding Super-Power of the World, its Vast Resources of Weapons of Mass Destruction (including Thermo-Nuclear Devices), the fact that a Clear Majority of its Voters (the so-called Silent Majority) is clearly under the influence of TV Commercials, and/or Cheap Beer, and/or Legal or Illegal Drugs, and/or Something Else, and thus is Not Fully Competent to elect the Most Powerful Person On The Planet, as (almost) demonstrated by their latest Presidential Election, I hereby propose that all other Citizens of the World is granted a Right to Veto any selection for President of the United States of America decided by the US electorate. Effective immediately.
4:40 PM
I mean if people in Texas can vote in American elections then why not Iraqis? Think about it. Texas is not that different in culture than Iraq. Texans claim to speak English, but have you ever been able to understand what a Texan said? It is because they don't speak English, they speak a foreign language. Historically Texas started as liberated Mexico, then it became occupied Mexico and now it is happy being part of the US. I have never met a Texan that was not proud to be an American. It could work for Iraq too. I say let Iraqis vote in the next American elections.
6:12 AM
Ihath> Well, I think Iraq is slightly more pro-gun than Texas, judging from Zeyad's latest post, so Bush could mention Kerry's voting record on gun rights.
Of course for iraq to have a vote (Electoral votes), she would have to become the 51st state, which isn't a bad deal as Iraqis would automatically gain US citzienship, as my great great great great grandfather did when Thomas Jefferson purchased Louisiana.
Now, Iraq may want to be like Alaska tax wise (where due to oil wealth, Alaskans have no state income tax, sales tax, and they get a stipend from the Alaskan Govt.
Actually with Iraq having an emphasis on history, large oil reserves, marshlands, good food, questionable politicians (Chalabi), friendly nature, and a desire to have fun, as well as a huge potential tourist industry, Iraq could resemble Louisiana even more than Texas, especially if one draws the comaprison between Shi'ites and Catholics, but the closest Lousiana ever had to Sadaam is Huey Long (who orginally supported FDR and then opposed him), and maybe David Duke (except he never made it higher than State Rep and is now in jail for tax evasion).
6:23 PM
I too am loosing sleep over the wonderful folks from South Vietnam, where I proudly served in 1969 and 1972. Our government promised them a ton of funds to rebuild, we promised for troopw should the
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