The Adventures of a Boring Sinner in Lotus land
“Let him send me to hell” I thought to myself.
“That pompous arrogant tyrant! ….. who expects me to worship him. Since I am going to hell for refusing to obey; I might as well earn a deserving place in there.” I was determined to go to hell in style. But how? What do I have to do in order to go to hell in style? I had no idea.
Shortly after I lost my religion in the Holy Lands of Jerusalem. I faced a dilemma in my newly found religion free life ; one which I had no idea how to tackle. I was certain I was going to hell for my act of disobedience, and I wanted to be sure it was for a worthwhile reason. How do I mark my new identity as a sinner? How do I make sure that I would make my hell bound path count?
The questions dogged me night and day.
I drew comfort from the thought that as I was losing my religion I was planning to move from the Holy lands of Jerusalem into the sin city of Vancouver, Canada. “Surly after the move I will be able to find creative ways to express my new identity”, I told myself. I wasn’t sure how yet, but I was sure that with enough determination I would find a way.
Sin city! ….. here I come ….. this time with open arms.
Vancouver, BC, Canada is frequently called the sin city of North America. Gay marriage is legal, churches sit mostly empty Sunday service after a Sunday service, Downtown Vancouver east side is the proud host of the highest concentration of drug addicts in the world, additionally Vancouver is renowned for marijuana growers, nightclubs and strippers.
Oh! what pleasures awaited me. All those years of religious piousness, surly have deprived me of awesome adventures and delights and now I was free to sample and explore to my hearts desire. As soon as I settled down in Vancouver I sat down pondering my next steps as a sinner.
“What sins I should tackle first?”, I pondered.
Drugs? ….. Anybody who has lived in Vancouver and has walked passed the junkies on East Hastings streets with their twitching arms, skinny figures and bulging eyes, could not be more turned off by the prospect. The thought of joining them one day horrified me. I had never used drug in my life. When I say I never used drugs, I don’t mean “I never inhaled” like when Clinton wasn’t using drugs, I mean I never touched the stuff, didn’t hang out with that crowed and never had anything to do with it. Surly committing sins should be enjoyable and not terrifying, seeing the drug addicts in their pathetic state didn’t appeal to me at all. And so drugs were ruled out.
Fornicating? .... But I was already married to the most handsome man I had ever met. His sight made my heart skip and his touch was pure pleasure. The mere thought of even looking at another man seemed revolting and surly being sinful was supposed to be pleasurable. Had I met him after my religion loosing experience, I might have allowed for our love to be expressed physically before we were married. But, it was too late for that, we were already married both legally, according to Canadian law, and religiously by a Muslim imam على سنة الله ورسوله. “Doing it” before marriage would have been a perfect foray into sin-hood; worthy of going to hell for, but unfortunately I had missed the boat on that one. Now it was too late. Had Islam been one of those puritanical religions that demanded sex between husband and wife take place for procreation only, I would have achieved the most pleasurable opportunity to be a sinner. But my understanding of Islam was that sex for pleasure between husband and wife was perfectly sanctioned ….. damn you Islam! ….. must you make my life hard even when I am trying to rebel against you. I wished I was born a catholic at that point.
Desperate times requires desperate measures. I had no choice but to break the big taboos of Islam: alcohol and pork. Both are not only strictly forbidden, but so ingrained in the culture that even non-religious people feel shame about breaking those taboos. I went to the supermarket and looked at the pork chops laying there in the meat section. I always would pass over the pork section in the meat department in the past. This time I looked at the various kinds of pork cuts and contemplated bringing the pork chops back home and frying them. Just looking at the pork chops with their pinkish color made me want to vomit. While I understand that this is a cultural thing and that many people would look at those pork chops and think yum …. yum, I couldn’t bring myself to cross the boundary of revulsion after years of brain washing that taught me to think of pork as yuck!.
Sigh! This sin committing thing isn’t easy.
I discovered however that now that I no longer cared about religion I could eat in Chinese restaurants without being the one that is a pain in the neck and always asking to ensure that there is no pork in any of the ingredients. I could eat the dumplings and sweet and sour soup and as long as nobody would point out to me that there was pork hidden in the shredded bit of thingies floating in there I was fine. I applied the don’t ask, don’t tell policy at restaurants and I was able to relax and enjoy myself more. I wouldn’t order the pork chops from the menu, but on the other hand I stopped asking questions like “are you sure there is no pork in the Swiss meat balls dish?”.
I still remember the look of joy on my husband’s face after I told him that I was ready to let go of the strict “no alcohol in the house” rule. “You mean I can have a beer?” was his first thought. For 10 years he has respected my religiosity and not bought nor drank alcohol out of respect for my feelings. I sincerely admire my husband for putting up with my prudishness all these years. I also informed my husband that I was ready to try it myself, at which point he looked a bit concerned, but was willing to go along with the idea. I couldn’t stand drinking hard liquor, a single sip made me want to choke and it all tasted like dissolved soap water. Beer tasted fine but bubble for bubble, I still prefer a diet coke to a beer on any day. But then I tasted red wine, and I started to understand why people like alcohol. With a good meal it really is nice. For the first time my husband told me about his favorite kind of wine, turns out he likes white wine …. very very dry. I also finally understood what gave cream mushroom sauce that special taste in French restaurants. At home I tried to make it many times and it never tasted quite right. But add a few drops of white wine and walla! …. like magic …. the right taste. After I sampled a little bit of this and that I was ready to try getting drunk. I told my husband that I wanted to get drunk but he rejected the idea. He would only allow me one drink and with food, each time he would remind me to drink slowly. In restaurants, whenever I wanted to order more or drink fast he would say no and instruct me to “GO SLOW”. So one Friday evening while he was on a business trip I dug up a wine bottle and drank half of it fast and without food trying to see what would happen if I got drunk. In Canada people constantly talk about how they had fun at parties by getting drunk and I wanted to experience that fun. But all I experienced was that I felt dizzy afterwards, so much so that I had to go to bed immediately. The next morning I woke up with a headache and felt icky on the inside. I don’t get what is fun about that but I am not going to do it again.
Besides Chinese sweet and sour soup which may or may not include pork and that wonderful French cream of mushroom sauce, which I absolutely adore, I haven’t discovered anything worth going to hell for. It seems that gluttony is my favorite mortal sin, however I have to admit, it is an area I indulged in even in the pre losing religion era.
In desperation I went to my husband explaining to him my dilemma hoping he would give me good advice. I explained to him how I wanted to do something big, something monumental to mark my new reality as a non religious person, yet so far I haven’t found anything that felt right or that felt so enjoyable as to merit losing religion over. Surely there must be something out there, some pleasure, some sin, that I can commit that is worth the whole exercise. I live in a liberal society that gives me the freedom to do whatever I want. I don’t have to worry about what people will say about me or what the neighbors think of me. What do I do with all this freedom? …. nothing. I must be the most boring person on earth. What is wrong with me? Am I just a pathetic person?
My husband listened carefully while I detailed my dilemma and then he gave me the answer I was looking for. He said: “You are going about this the wrong way, you are trying to do the things that you think are bad or frowned upon by religion and really non of it is in your nature. What you should be doing is thinking of something you deeply desired or deeply wished for in the past but were prevented from doing because of religion. Surely there must be something that you fantasized about but not allowed your self in the past. Think back, think of something you deeply desire”
That is when it hit me. I should go buy my first pair of pants.
Up to this point I had always dressed modestly with skirt below the knees, long sleeves and baggy shirts. While I never covered my hair in proper hijab as is common to Muslim women I made sure to observe strict modestly rules which I imposed on myself since the age of 12. Deep down I wished I could wear a pair of jeans but in the past I always denied those thoughts even to myself. I still remember that first pair of jeans I wore as a grownup, they must be the baggiest pair of jeans in the world. They had so many pleads around the waist I might as well had been wearing a skirt. But I felt radical whenever I wore them. The thing with wearing pants is that it freed me in so many ways. Now that I allowed myself to wear pants I could skip, run, ride a bike, go to the gym and even go for a hike in nature. All these activities I didn’t allow myself in the past because you can’t do them wearing a skirt. At least you can’t do them wearing a skirt and not look silly. Oh the fun I had in those pants. The many many joys, I can’t describe them in words. To be able to move and feel your body, to be able to throw away the demure feminine walk. But the most enjoyable of these activities was discovering nature. And if there is one thing Vancouver has plenty of it is nature. The sea from one side and mountain on the other side and now that I was a pant wearing member of the public I could discover it all. They don’t call Vancouver lotusland for nothing you know.
Odysseus (in greek mythology) and his men discover a magical land of lotus eaters. Some of the sailors eat the delicious lotus and forget about their homeland, pleading to stay forever in this lotusland. (It is likely that the lotus in question was a real plant, the jujube, whose sweet juice is used in candy making and which has given its name to a popular fruity candy.) The label "lotusland" is now applied to any place resembling such an ideal of perfection, but it also carries connotations of indolence and self-indulgence, possibly derived from the way the sailors refused to work once they reached the original lotusland.
I definitely had reached my own lotusland once I discovered hiking and kayaking around Vancouver. Having lived in a city all my live, nothing prepared me for the sensation of being in nature. I would go on for several days where I never saw another human being, I was surrounded with trees, the sounds of branches swaying and birds chirping. The joys of week long hiking and camping trips in complete solitude is that you stop caring about what other people think because there are no other people around. There is just nature, the mountain, the river, the sound of my breathing and heaving, the smell of moss ….. and that is when it happened. I can’t describe it in words.
Oh how cruel this cosmic joker is. He sends me to the holy lands to lose my religion and then back to lotus land to experience spirituality. He must have watched too many monty python episodes or something.
Few weeks ago, my daughter was learning about world religions in her social studies class. She asked that I give her some things from our Muslim heritage for show and tell for her class. I dig up my old prayer rug from the closet, find a copy of the Qura’an in the library with the beautifully decorated test, I find a piece of dirt from holy city of Najaf that all shea’a seem to carry. Suddenly I find tears in my eyes. I wipe them off and dismiss them as fake sentimentality.
My husband predicts that I will go back to religion. I keep telling him “no way”. I refuse to give up my pants wearing freedom. He also wants to go back to our old “no alcohol in the house” rule. While he enjoys the occasional beer, he thinks that we should set a good example for our kids ….. hmmmm! is my husband turning religious on me?
Two weeks ago I had a parent teachers meeting with my daughter’s grade four teacher and one of her suggestions for me was to buy my daughter more books about Islam, because she is very interested in the subject and has already devoured all the books on the subject available in the school library. Now that has to be the ultimate sin, when the infidel Canadian heathen who has nothing to do with Islam tells me that I should buy more books on Islam for my daughter. I am certainly going to hell for that.
I think I have achieved my objective.
“That pompous arrogant tyrant! ….. who expects me to worship him. Since I am going to hell for refusing to obey; I might as well earn a deserving place in there.” I was determined to go to hell in style. But how? What do I have to do in order to go to hell in style? I had no idea.
Shortly after I lost my religion in the Holy Lands of Jerusalem. I faced a dilemma in my newly found religion free life ; one which I had no idea how to tackle. I was certain I was going to hell for my act of disobedience, and I wanted to be sure it was for a worthwhile reason. How do I mark my new identity as a sinner? How do I make sure that I would make my hell bound path count?
The questions dogged me night and day.
I drew comfort from the thought that as I was losing my religion I was planning to move from the Holy lands of Jerusalem into the sin city of Vancouver, Canada. “Surly after the move I will be able to find creative ways to express my new identity”, I told myself. I wasn’t sure how yet, but I was sure that with enough determination I would find a way.
Sin city! ….. here I come ….. this time with open arms.
Vancouver, BC, Canada is frequently called the sin city of North America. Gay marriage is legal, churches sit mostly empty Sunday service after a Sunday service, Downtown Vancouver east side is the proud host of the highest concentration of drug addicts in the world, additionally Vancouver is renowned for marijuana growers, nightclubs and strippers.
Oh! what pleasures awaited me. All those years of religious piousness, surly have deprived me of awesome adventures and delights and now I was free to sample and explore to my hearts desire. As soon as I settled down in Vancouver I sat down pondering my next steps as a sinner.
“What sins I should tackle first?”, I pondered.
Drugs? ….. Anybody who has lived in Vancouver and has walked passed the junkies on East Hastings streets with their twitching arms, skinny figures and bulging eyes, could not be more turned off by the prospect. The thought of joining them one day horrified me. I had never used drug in my life. When I say I never used drugs, I don’t mean “I never inhaled” like when Clinton wasn’t using drugs, I mean I never touched the stuff, didn’t hang out with that crowed and never had anything to do with it. Surly committing sins should be enjoyable and not terrifying, seeing the drug addicts in their pathetic state didn’t appeal to me at all. And so drugs were ruled out.
Fornicating? .... But I was already married to the most handsome man I had ever met. His sight made my heart skip and his touch was pure pleasure. The mere thought of even looking at another man seemed revolting and surly being sinful was supposed to be pleasurable. Had I met him after my religion loosing experience, I might have allowed for our love to be expressed physically before we were married. But, it was too late for that, we were already married both legally, according to Canadian law, and religiously by a Muslim imam على سنة الله ورسوله. “Doing it” before marriage would have been a perfect foray into sin-hood; worthy of going to hell for, but unfortunately I had missed the boat on that one. Now it was too late. Had Islam been one of those puritanical religions that demanded sex between husband and wife take place for procreation only, I would have achieved the most pleasurable opportunity to be a sinner. But my understanding of Islam was that sex for pleasure between husband and wife was perfectly sanctioned ….. damn you Islam! ….. must you make my life hard even when I am trying to rebel against you. I wished I was born a catholic at that point.
Desperate times requires desperate measures. I had no choice but to break the big taboos of Islam: alcohol and pork. Both are not only strictly forbidden, but so ingrained in the culture that even non-religious people feel shame about breaking those taboos. I went to the supermarket and looked at the pork chops laying there in the meat section. I always would pass over the pork section in the meat department in the past. This time I looked at the various kinds of pork cuts and contemplated bringing the pork chops back home and frying them. Just looking at the pork chops with their pinkish color made me want to vomit. While I understand that this is a cultural thing and that many people would look at those pork chops and think yum …. yum, I couldn’t bring myself to cross the boundary of revulsion after years of brain washing that taught me to think of pork as yuck!.
Sigh! This sin committing thing isn’t easy.
I discovered however that now that I no longer cared about religion I could eat in Chinese restaurants without being the one that is a pain in the neck and always asking to ensure that there is no pork in any of the ingredients. I could eat the dumplings and sweet and sour soup and as long as nobody would point out to me that there was pork hidden in the shredded bit of thingies floating in there I was fine. I applied the don’t ask, don’t tell policy at restaurants and I was able to relax and enjoy myself more. I wouldn’t order the pork chops from the menu, but on the other hand I stopped asking questions like “are you sure there is no pork in the Swiss meat balls dish?”.
I still remember the look of joy on my husband’s face after I told him that I was ready to let go of the strict “no alcohol in the house” rule. “You mean I can have a beer?” was his first thought. For 10 years he has respected my religiosity and not bought nor drank alcohol out of respect for my feelings. I sincerely admire my husband for putting up with my prudishness all these years. I also informed my husband that I was ready to try it myself, at which point he looked a bit concerned, but was willing to go along with the idea. I couldn’t stand drinking hard liquor, a single sip made me want to choke and it all tasted like dissolved soap water. Beer tasted fine but bubble for bubble, I still prefer a diet coke to a beer on any day. But then I tasted red wine, and I started to understand why people like alcohol. With a good meal it really is nice. For the first time my husband told me about his favorite kind of wine, turns out he likes white wine …. very very dry. I also finally understood what gave cream mushroom sauce that special taste in French restaurants. At home I tried to make it many times and it never tasted quite right. But add a few drops of white wine and walla! …. like magic …. the right taste. After I sampled a little bit of this and that I was ready to try getting drunk. I told my husband that I wanted to get drunk but he rejected the idea. He would only allow me one drink and with food, each time he would remind me to drink slowly. In restaurants, whenever I wanted to order more or drink fast he would say no and instruct me to “GO SLOW”. So one Friday evening while he was on a business trip I dug up a wine bottle and drank half of it fast and without food trying to see what would happen if I got drunk. In Canada people constantly talk about how they had fun at parties by getting drunk and I wanted to experience that fun. But all I experienced was that I felt dizzy afterwards, so much so that I had to go to bed immediately. The next morning I woke up with a headache and felt icky on the inside. I don’t get what is fun about that but I am not going to do it again.
Besides Chinese sweet and sour soup which may or may not include pork and that wonderful French cream of mushroom sauce, which I absolutely adore, I haven’t discovered anything worth going to hell for. It seems that gluttony is my favorite mortal sin, however I have to admit, it is an area I indulged in even in the pre losing religion era.
In desperation I went to my husband explaining to him my dilemma hoping he would give me good advice. I explained to him how I wanted to do something big, something monumental to mark my new reality as a non religious person, yet so far I haven’t found anything that felt right or that felt so enjoyable as to merit losing religion over. Surely there must be something out there, some pleasure, some sin, that I can commit that is worth the whole exercise. I live in a liberal society that gives me the freedom to do whatever I want. I don’t have to worry about what people will say about me or what the neighbors think of me. What do I do with all this freedom? …. nothing. I must be the most boring person on earth. What is wrong with me? Am I just a pathetic person?
My husband listened carefully while I detailed my dilemma and then he gave me the answer I was looking for. He said: “You are going about this the wrong way, you are trying to do the things that you think are bad or frowned upon by religion and really non of it is in your nature. What you should be doing is thinking of something you deeply desired or deeply wished for in the past but were prevented from doing because of religion. Surely there must be something that you fantasized about but not allowed your self in the past. Think back, think of something you deeply desire”
That is when it hit me. I should go buy my first pair of pants.
Up to this point I had always dressed modestly with skirt below the knees, long sleeves and baggy shirts. While I never covered my hair in proper hijab as is common to Muslim women I made sure to observe strict modestly rules which I imposed on myself since the age of 12. Deep down I wished I could wear a pair of jeans but in the past I always denied those thoughts even to myself. I still remember that first pair of jeans I wore as a grownup, they must be the baggiest pair of jeans in the world. They had so many pleads around the waist I might as well had been wearing a skirt. But I felt radical whenever I wore them. The thing with wearing pants is that it freed me in so many ways. Now that I allowed myself to wear pants I could skip, run, ride a bike, go to the gym and even go for a hike in nature. All these activities I didn’t allow myself in the past because you can’t do them wearing a skirt. At least you can’t do them wearing a skirt and not look silly. Oh the fun I had in those pants. The many many joys, I can’t describe them in words. To be able to move and feel your body, to be able to throw away the demure feminine walk. But the most enjoyable of these activities was discovering nature. And if there is one thing Vancouver has plenty of it is nature. The sea from one side and mountain on the other side and now that I was a pant wearing member of the public I could discover it all. They don’t call Vancouver lotusland for nothing you know.
Odysseus (in greek mythology) and his men discover a magical land of lotus eaters. Some of the sailors eat the delicious lotus and forget about their homeland, pleading to stay forever in this lotusland. (It is likely that the lotus in question was a real plant, the jujube, whose sweet juice is used in candy making and which has given its name to a popular fruity candy.) The label "lotusland" is now applied to any place resembling such an ideal of perfection, but it also carries connotations of indolence and self-indulgence, possibly derived from the way the sailors refused to work once they reached the original lotusland.
I definitely had reached my own lotusland once I discovered hiking and kayaking around Vancouver. Having lived in a city all my live, nothing prepared me for the sensation of being in nature. I would go on for several days where I never saw another human being, I was surrounded with trees, the sounds of branches swaying and birds chirping. The joys of week long hiking and camping trips in complete solitude is that you stop caring about what other people think because there are no other people around. There is just nature, the mountain, the river, the sound of my breathing and heaving, the smell of moss ….. and that is when it happened. I can’t describe it in words.
Oh how cruel this cosmic joker is. He sends me to the holy lands to lose my religion and then back to lotus land to experience spirituality. He must have watched too many monty python episodes or something.
Few weeks ago, my daughter was learning about world religions in her social studies class. She asked that I give her some things from our Muslim heritage for show and tell for her class. I dig up my old prayer rug from the closet, find a copy of the Qura’an in the library with the beautifully decorated test, I find a piece of dirt from holy city of Najaf that all shea’a seem to carry. Suddenly I find tears in my eyes. I wipe them off and dismiss them as fake sentimentality.
My husband predicts that I will go back to religion. I keep telling him “no way”. I refuse to give up my pants wearing freedom. He also wants to go back to our old “no alcohol in the house” rule. While he enjoys the occasional beer, he thinks that we should set a good example for our kids ….. hmmmm! is my husband turning religious on me?
Two weeks ago I had a parent teachers meeting with my daughter’s grade four teacher and one of her suggestions for me was to buy my daughter more books about Islam, because she is very interested in the subject and has already devoured all the books on the subject available in the school library. Now that has to be the ultimate sin, when the infidel Canadian heathen who has nothing to do with Islam tells me that I should buy more books on Islam for my daughter. I am certainly going to hell for that.
I think I have achieved my objective.
There is a way between voice and presence where information flows.
In disciplined silence it opens.
With wandering talk it closes. .... Rumi
11:53 PMfor your information: it is not a sin to wear pants if you are a Muslim woman. as long as it still covers things that need to be covered.
So it's still not a sin.
12:30 AM
Ihath... you DO realize that only a religious person can commit a sin, don't you? WIthout religion, the concept of sin has no context.
That was a lot of words to tell us how much you love Islam!
2:03 AM
vancouver is considered the sin city of north america??? whoever told you that lied. what about vegas, the real sin city? sure, vancouver is known for its prostitutes, aids, drugs, and homeless people, but i wouldnt call those sins...that is a sad and pathetic city. also, you should really proof read your posts first.
6:49 AM
Man, some people.... She writes an interesting, funny story about a particular time in her life, and you have nothing to say beyond poking holes in her post?
Better for you to have remained silent on the matter, IMHO. When she posts something I don't agree with, or may even be offended by (and yes, she has), I keep my comments to myself.
But when she posts something that rings true, makes me smile, or laugh, well, it deserves a comment to at least let her know she made someone smile... try it some time, you might be surprised at the result :)
=============================
iHath, I really enjoyed this one. It reminds me of the point in my own life when I decided I would redefine my own religion and to reject the organized versions I was raised to follow... as it became painfully obvious that it was just as corrupt as most other things run by human beings.
"My" religion is really quite simple. Follow the major rules that most religions have in common (i.e., don't kill, lie, cheat, steal, covet, envy, etc.) Treat people well, endeavor to be kind, and don't judge (or try VERY hard not to.. this one is the hardest for me, but I try).
Thank God, (who/whatever he/she is) when good things happen to you, and don't blame him/her when bad things happen to you.
You know... just basically do your best to be a good, honest and decent person.
"My" religion has worked quite well for me, and I hope that it will still get me into heaven :)
If not, at least I lived a good life, with few regrets.
Good post iHath, thanks for sharing it with us.
Salaam,
8:48 AM
Dear Steve in Boston,
Some people put lots of garbage in the comment section, ButI keep it open specifically for people like you. Because I enjoy reading what you think both good and bad. Don't feel compelled to only write about the things you like. I want to have a dialog, a real dialog.
6:34 PM
Pst.. Pst ... Steve in Beantown - what she says is true. But there is a risk. I have and am suffering, and I cannot tell you why, because that is the nature of her punishment. Talking about it only makes it worse.
7:31 PM
Ihath
I have heard it said that the worst part of sin is that ultimately it is pure boredom.
2:08 AM
You know Ihath, the more people I learn about in this world, the more I discover that there are thousands who are experiencing what I am experiencing.
Strange it is, this religious dilemma. I am at the verge of starting my own expedition in search of the truth, but - coming to think about it - whatever it is that I will find, my children and grand-children will view as conservative and will expand more on.
Today, I question the religions but adhere to the belief that good is desirable and bad is undesirable. My children will grow and question the belief of good vs. bad itself tomorrow.
I am only taking my baby steps in this discovery, but I am about to reach a dead end: the concept of righteousness versus 'impropriety' (word choice?) may not be the right concept to adopt in the first place!
9:28 AM
You cannot have lost your religion if you still believe in an afterlife. Hell is just as much a part of Islam as not eating pork.___ One of your best essays, BTW.
9:30 AM
Anonymous was Don Cox.
10:59 AM
your latest post makes me realize how much we take for granted in Canada, the easy access to nature and how that shapes us from an early age. Maybe it is this that provides us with the contrast we need to question the religion we are taught at home, school and church/mosque.
more than wishing you good luck, I hope you enjoy yourself immensely with the flamenco performance.
Hana
3:32 PM
this blog is stupid.
11:34 PM
I tried to post my comment but it was too long for the blooging system so I emailed it to you, Sis ;)
9:34 AM
O_O
best post in a long while =)
Well I would have sided with your husband. You were going at it the wrong way. I still think you went at it wrong with alcohol but if you don't want to continue "experimenting" fiiiiine miss out on the fun :p
as for religion and going to hell a friend once said to me: "I definetly want to go to hell. All the boring people go to heaven but hell is where the action is"
I don't really believe in religion and I blame/thank my parents for that. Where I live (a mainly catholic island) religion is taught at most schools or at home but my parents put me in a small private school(no religion class weeeeee) since kindergarden and they never took me to church except for special occasions (weddings, funerals, etc) so I grew up pretty much shielded from the brainwashing. Till I was older and they moved me to another school when I was in 5th grade and suddenly I had to take religion class, had to go to church during school and I felt lost, completely out of place. Didn't know when to stand up, when to kneel, what to say when everyone began praying, etc. And I kept trying my best until I finally learned the ritual but I still felt empty.
Until I left for collegue and realised I don't need THAT. I mean why should I try to be something that I'm not. Why shouldn't I have sex before marriage or not use contraceptives because I don't want to have kids at an early age. Why shouldn't I do x or y things.... and why would I want to go to heaven if I will probably have to continue to live like that against my will?
bleh....
religion is not for me. Still I don't think I am an atheist(nothig wrong with being one btw). Still I consider myself a good person. And still I want to live a happy life just being myself and maybe spread some of that joy around. And a bit like yourself (I think) now I feel more spiritual than I did when I demonstrated my spirituality publicly
The world is a crazy place.
random thoughts:
Careful with that zero alcohol policy in the house. My parents did that while I was growing up and when I suddenly discovered alcohol late in my teens I was not prepared to "handle it" and it took me some stumbling around (no pun intended) to regain my sanity.
I wouldn't worry about there being pork in the chinese food. I would be more worried about ending up eating dog or cat meat lol (joke)
Funny how I'm surrounded by nature (sub-tropical island) but I hate being outdoors. The heat is too oppresive. Ironically everytime I go on a trip elsewhere (colder climates) I love going to parks and just hang out by the shade of a tree
And yes, you are definetely going to hell so stop worring abut that. You are nowhere near boring enough to go to heaven
xD
-Javier
9:47 AM
Javier,
You have to tell me about the secret of getting drunk and having fun.
Hubby .... If you are reading this ...... sorry...... but you refused to teach me. I have to learn it from somewhere.
10:45 AM
The word “religion” is ambiguous, susceptible to different interpretations and meanings. Adjectives such as “organized”, “mainstream” or even words such as “cult” narrow the possible meanings but do little in my view to actually clarify. If I were to describe myself as “religious,” I would be endeavoring to describe in one word something that is, among other things, a perspective, an experience, a revelation, a relationship, a dynamic, something beyond reason but not without reason. Sharing a religion is to my way of thinking in certain respects like sharing a love of music. How do you explain why certain songs, tunes or masterpieces are “brilliant”, “pleasing”, “enjoyable”? We all experience music differently, yet there is a commonality if you will which allows for discussion of a particular piece. But in the end, words I think are inadequate to capture what is a feeling, a sensation, an experience, an appreciation, a response which is as unique as the listener. Yet the music is the same, it really is, but it means, perhaps communicates, different things to different people.
So it is with people as persons. The same individual can be a very different person to others depending upon the perspective, the experience, even the nature of the others with whom the individual comes into contact. More often than not I learn something new about a friend that I never know before, a better understanding of who that friend is, simply by hearing the stories of a mutual friend who has had a different experience, a different perspective, a different relationship and who is a different person than I am. So also it is, in my view, with “religion” as I use that term.
I concur with your husband’s prediction, although not the direction. I think that what was left in the holy lands will remain there, but if you look, I think that you will spot a stowaway who accompanies you still.
11:05 AM
iHath: Mainly its the America thing that I try to avoid. I'm too close to it to discuss it rationally, and I simply refuse to fight with a person in their own home :)
As for the secret of alcohol and having fun? That's easy. Rule #1 don't drink alone.
Rule #2 Learn your limit. This is the tricky one. There is a fine line between being "comfortably numb" and being completely smashed. You just have to learn where your "numb" point is. The "numb" point is where things take on a slightly brighter appearance, troubles don't seem quite so bad, and people you wouldn't normally find interesting enough to talk with, suddenly become interesting. If you don't normally dance, and suddenly find yourself in the mood to shake it on the dance floor, odds are, you have just reached that "numb point". Slow down the drinking at that point, switching to soda (Coke, Pepsi, etc.) and order a alcoholic drink every once in a while, to maintain the "numb" point.
The evidence that you have found that perfect balance? Easy, you remember everything about the night before, you are not embarrassed by anything you said or did, and you don't have a hangover (or if you do, it is only a very slight one).
It takes trial and error, and practice, so be careful. Alcoholism would put a damper on your experiment :)
1:14 PM
what Steve said :D
just take it easy drinking... if you have never drank alcohol or do so very sparingly your body wont have a tolerance to it... meaning you will get drunk REALLY fast. Im more or less used to drinking and half a bottle of wine at once would be over the top : /
take your time, drink slowly, and once you get to whatever point of drunkness you want to get, STOP
also you might want to star with other types of alcohol. Wine (at least red wine) tends to give you a bad hangover as well as dark colored spirits (except very expensive wiskey). I would recomend starting with vodka or rum or any other clear spirits. Oh and avoid sugary drinks and don't mix them up too much (tequila+rum+vodka+anything else = nasty combo)
-javier
9:43 PM
Rule #1 don't drink alone. Rule #2 Learn your limit...There is a fine line between being "comfortably numb" and being completely smashed.
The secret to drinking alcohol is that isn't not for the taste but the mind-altering effects. People drink for the same reasons people smoke or do harder drugs--to get a buzz.
The secret apparently is to take enough poison, which alcohol is in fact and which will become apparent if you drink large enough amounts in a short period, to change your brain (killing a few million cells along the way) so that you feel better.
take your time, drink slowly, and once you get to whatever point of drunkness you want to get, STOP
No, the point of responsible drinking as it is claimed by responsible drinkers is to avoid drunkeness altogether. Do you like silly drunk people fighting each other, passing out on the street, and being a general nuisance when not endangering others? Of course, reading posts like these see that these views are just a sham designed to placate the more rational members of society.
The secret to getting drunk is getting drunk. It's only fun if you want it to be because it is not inherantly so.
4:50 AM
I searched for "iraqi whores" on google and it sent me to this site. btw, there are pills you can get at walmart called chasser and they will keep you from getting a hangover in the morning.
3:01 PM
ihath:
Maybe you're like me. I don't drink, because it just makes me feel horrid, which has nothing to do with being bound by conscience, faith or anything else. Just a weak constitution when it comes to booze.
How long have you been in Vancouver, and have you visited the Okanagan yet? Just a hop, skip and a jump over the mountains (3-4 hours, depending on how fast you drive), and you're there. I think you'd really enjoy it. Very different from Vancouver.
I just started reading your blog, so sorry for the questions.:)
Fiona
4:15 PM
I was raised Christian.
As I neared adulthood it seemed that I was always "sinning". It troubled me very much, but it seemed I could never stop.
I redoubled my efforts to do what I was supposed to do. Pray, and read the bible. In an attempt to read the whole thing, I just couldn't make parts of it sit with me. So much blood, so much viciousness. So many things that made my heart hurt.
One day it reached a turning point, I was sure of nothing. Sobbing my eyes out, I took a moment to think of what I wanted to align myself with. I thought of a source of all, that for which without there would be nothing. I tried to not think about anything "christian", just asked that I be with that source.
I've look at a lot of things since then. Paganism, shaminism, reincarnation, on and on. Now I'm not all that concerned about things like that, heaven, hell... For some reason it just doesn't bother me.
It used to be I would squirm when asked "Do you have a relationship with God?" Now I can answer yes, though "God" isn't really what I used to think of. Not sure how, but now I know I have a creator. I looked back on how I've been changed over the last 6 years, I can't say that I've planned myself out. I'm very happy with who I am now, and thanked my Creator for that I asked my Creator to keep changing me, and I'm very excited to see who I become.
Hehe, brevity is not my strong point. I guess to boil it down, it took me being honest with myself. To quit lieing that things that me feel bad inside were okay because the bible said so.
Being honest with yourself looks like what you are doing, be patient as its a process. But I think one day, ihath, you will look back and be glad at the changes that have happened to yourself.
--Doc
10:15 PM
i thought that the "lotus-eaters" was a reference to khat-chewers... certainly the right place and the right effect innit?
5:03 AM
It's been awfully quiet for a of couple weeks. I sure hope that you didn't break training and discover the "the secret of getting drunk and having fun" before the big Flamenco shoe.
8:27 AM
emily0,
your theory is completly plausable.
AngloGermanicAmerican
I am getting stage fright and it isn't even the day of the show yet. My bain is frozen and I can't think straight or write or do anything. I will do the "get drunk and have fun" afterwards. Right now I am just trying to survive.
9:30 AM
My comment was supposed to be a joke, and I am not very handy with the smiley face expressions. I figured you'd be "focused" on the big event, and I know that you will do well. Having had some experience with such situations, where my wife decides to "perform", I am more worried about your family than you. lol I can never figure out who is more exhausted after one of her events, she or us? At some point leading up to the "show", I always ask her, "Why are you doing this?" Answer, "Because I enjoy it." I say, "Then enjoy it!!" Does this help her? I don't really know, but it helps me. :) So I say to you. Have fun! Everyone who you really care about will be genuinely pleased by your performance, and the only person that you have to worry about pleasing is yourself. You've practiced, you've prepared, you know you can do it. So tell yourself to have fun and you will.
10:25 PM
Very interesting stories, thank you! I just found your blog while browsing and looking for the term 'lotus land'. I just recently moved to Vancouver Island myself, so I was wondering about the origin of that term.
I'm so glad you love your pants!
Signed,
another female pants lover in
Victoria, BC
9:34 PM
hey....i had this time, but indeed all the believe I filled up since my childhood are really difficult to just wipe out. there's some attractions to do stuffs I didn't use to allow myself. but, i always turn my back on the backyard....so hard. the most ultimate achievement on trying to be wilder is smoking.....silly, ha? And it ended up that I didn't enjoy it, and stopped.
I just now believe that sin or whatever it is called is just a conception, we build it by ourselves. if we disobey, we're a sinner. How about those who don't belive in sin? They never are a sinner.
Even heaven or hell, to me are absurdity. Only those who don't know what's good and bad are convinced by those two. if i were a human being, in Islam, Allah gusts our pre-born soul from Himself/Herself/Itself (whatever), that the Nature of Asma'ul Husna (all good names) shall have been in me. Or believing in afterlife, the ultimate being in afterlife is being with God instead of expecting heaven or hell.
Well, however, life is about choice, we can pick what we mostly desire and don't forget about its consequences.
Only God knows.
5:21 PM
Assalamu alaikum everyone
I really dont know who this person is and dont know any of u guys either. But i live in America and alhamdulillah practicing my religion, islam, to the best of my ability. I think this sister never understood the actual meaning of islam and submitting to Allah's will. She never realized the purpose of her life and the reasons why she is practicing this religion. For this reason, she doesnt really understands why there is a hell and a paradise. Allah Most High is so much merciful that He says in the Qur'an to tell the sons of Adam if their sins reach the skies but they come to me ascribing to partners to me i shall forgive them. So i advice her to repent because Allah loves to forgive so He will forgive u inshaAllah. Be a good example to your daughter inshaAllah. May Allah guide us all to the straight path. ameen.
10:13 PM
Dear Ihath,
Here are some thoughts at your wonderful story. There is a story behind my thoughts, insights which were won with much anguish. I write these words on this day which saw me once again try to answer my father's pleas to begin the process to marry my fiance in his church, which would be extremely painful for me. Out of love for my father I am willing to violate my conscience and do this. I only ask that I be treated with some dignity and respect. Today's experience was a red flag that this is not likely to happen. The priest sermoned about abortion, contraception, and pre-marital sex. NOT ONE WORD about children living in hunger and poverty, about the homeless, about people who work yet live in poverty, about war, about torture, about people suffering every day all over the world, trying to gain some small part of justice! This lack of passion for the suffering that surrounds us I can never accept.
So I write these thought below with tears running down my face, once again living with the disappointment and betrayal that has haunted my spiritual life. But not killed it. Because many years ago I was rescued by God. I do not need churches as truely as they have never needed me.
Religion only matters when it touches, transforms and consecrates the heart. Religion only matters when it results in a passionate faith in God. What can be sin be but acts against mercy and justice? Nothing else matters.
The truest path to God, for me anyway, is poetry and nature and music and God's creatures. And the passion of compassion. So I figured when you were spending time hiking that you would find Something there. That Something which I call the Immense Silence and recently read called the Great Forest. This Something is our Home, and we are exiles.
"Religion" as most people understand it is mistaken for Home when actually religion is merely a vehicle and method. Religious institutions, at their best, pass on the beliefs that nourish faith/trust in God and the methods to reach toward God and to live justly. Religions motivates and guide those with open hearts.
Ah, but at their worse, religions -all religions! - misuse their sacred service to maim and cripple, to enslave and oppress. They refuse to hear the cries for justice and mercy. When they substitute their rules for the mercy of God, they are wrong, no matter how many scriptures they quote. That is sin.
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