Challenge Behind
30.3.07
Three and a half years ago, I asked myself a question.
When I was young, in my early twenties, I was naïve, stupid and I lacked experience. But with that came a certain sweetness and innocence. Then as I got older, I had to face life. With experience I gained wisdom and knowledge. I am able to see more clearly how the world works and how people behave. I am able to understand things that seemed strange or at least accept that they are the way they are. With that comes cynicism, skepticism. Nothing is what it seems. Look for the inner motivation and the hidden agenda. Once I was able to think about what motivates people, I realized that I could manipulate a situation to my advantage.
Three and a half years ago, I asked myself a question. Is it possible to grow wise and yet remain sweet?
Is it possible to look at what is going on in life clearly, without sugar coating it and remain hopeful? Can I understand but not become manipulative? Can I be practical yet live with integrity? Can I be realistic and not compromise? Can I?
My eldest daughter believes that I can read her mind. For example the other day, I was outside taking out the garbage, when I came inside, I found my daughter wiping the tiles in the kitchen. "What did you spill this time?" I asked her. "How did you know that I had spilled something?" She answered with amazement. "Experience my dear", I want to tell her. "I have been around this earth much longer that you and I can guess what your thinking and feeling with one glance at you face". But letting her believe that I can read her mind is easier. That way she is reluctant to lie to me.
I learned when I was child that depending solely on my emotions is wrong, because I noticed that my emotions had failed me on many occasions. I decided at age 8, that would be a rational person, a person of reason. While living in Jerusalem at age 28 I realized that my reason had failed me as well and that I couldn't approach life through solely depending on my logic because it was badly flawed. For the past several years, I have attempted to grasp spirituality and depend soley on my sense of intuition, disassociating myself from reason and my emotions. Doing things which didn't make sense, but that my gut feeling told me was the thing to do. Today as I approach 38, I can see clearly that all three approaches are flawed. That God gave me reason, feelings and a spirit. I will attempt to use all three in an integrated way. Ignoring one is an abuse of a given gift. While the last few years
have been an interesting and a useful experiment, I don't regret it, I can finally see where I went wrong.
I spent three and a half years, waiting patiently for an answer. Observing quietly in corner. Standing in a swimming pool and allowing the waves to come over me, resisting the urge to make waves. The answer came loud and clear.
Yes!
When I was young, in my early twenties, I was naïve, stupid and I lacked experience. But with that came a certain sweetness and innocence. Then as I got older, I had to face life. With experience I gained wisdom and knowledge. I am able to see more clearly how the world works and how people behave. I am able to understand things that seemed strange or at least accept that they are the way they are. With that comes cynicism, skepticism. Nothing is what it seems. Look for the inner motivation and the hidden agenda. Once I was able to think about what motivates people, I realized that I could manipulate a situation to my advantage.
Three and a half years ago, I asked myself a question. Is it possible to grow wise and yet remain sweet?
Is it possible to look at what is going on in life clearly, without sugar coating it and remain hopeful? Can I understand but not become manipulative? Can I be practical yet live with integrity? Can I be realistic and not compromise? Can I?
My eldest daughter believes that I can read her mind. For example the other day, I was outside taking out the garbage, when I came inside, I found my daughter wiping the tiles in the kitchen. "What did you spill this time?" I asked her. "How did you know that I had spilled something?" She answered with amazement. "Experience my dear", I want to tell her. "I have been around this earth much longer that you and I can guess what your thinking and feeling with one glance at you face". But letting her believe that I can read her mind is easier. That way she is reluctant to lie to me.
I learned when I was child that depending solely on my emotions is wrong, because I noticed that my emotions had failed me on many occasions. I decided at age 8, that would be a rational person, a person of reason. While living in Jerusalem at age 28 I realized that my reason had failed me as well and that I couldn't approach life through solely depending on my logic because it was badly flawed. For the past several years, I have attempted to grasp spirituality and depend soley on my sense of intuition, disassociating myself from reason and my emotions. Doing things which didn't make sense, but that my gut feeling told me was the thing to do. Today as I approach 38, I can see clearly that all three approaches are flawed. That God gave me reason, feelings and a spirit. I will attempt to use all three in an integrated way. Ignoring one is an abuse of a given gift. While the last few years
have been an interesting and a useful experiment, I don't regret it, I can finally see where I went wrong.
I spent three and a half years, waiting patiently for an answer. Observing quietly in corner. Standing in a swimming pool and allowing the waves to come over me, resisting the urge to make waves. The answer came loud and clear.
Yes!
