“It is impressive! That you can quit your job yet still have the discipline to be productive on your own.” People say upon hearing of my transition from a professional life into a self directed being. “Please don’t be impressed” I want to reply. Discipline was a hurdle in this transition. I do discipline very very well. I am very good at forcing myself to do stuff. In my professional life this natural tendency was a valued asset. I had a time schedule, project plan and a to-do list. But when you want imagination to reign supreme, you need to put a stop to practicality. It took a long time for me to undiscipline myself. To lie on a couch staring at the wall for hours and not feel guilty. To sleep in. To resist the urge to write for the sake of writing. Whenever I did that, everything that came out was cabbage. It felt forced. To develop patience, for inspiration is a faint whisper, I needed lots of practice. The more ardently I pursued it the further away it came from. To sit inside unproductivity and experience joy. How fantastic it is to simply be alive. Not a doer. A be-er.
Being on my own doing my own thing is terrifying.
Thinking about all of this I came up with this image. I took photographs of food: Salami, crackers, coffee beans, coffee grind, water melon, ice, red pepper and apple. Assembled them into this collage. I like the end result. It looks both compelling yet disturbing. I shall be playing around some more.