Discipline of Undiscipline


“It is impressive! That you can quit your job yet still have the discipline to be productive on your own.” People say upon hearing of my transition from a professional life into a self directed being. “Please don’t be impressed” I want to reply. Discipline was a hurdle in this transition. I do discipline very very well. I am very good at forcing myself to do stuff. In my professional life this natural tendency was a valued asset. I had a time schedule, project plan and a to-do list. But when you want imagination to reign supreme, you need to put a stop to practicality. It took a long time for me to undiscipline myself. To lie on a couch staring at the wall for hours and not feel guilty. To sleep in. To resist the urge to write for the sake of writing. Whenever I did that, everything that came out was cabbage. It felt forced. To develop patience, for inspiration is a faint whisper, I needed lots of practice. The more ardently I pursued it the further away it came from. To sit inside unproductivity and experience joy. How fantastic it is to simply be alive. Not a doer. A be-er.

Being on my own doing my own thing is terrifying.

Thinking about all of this I came up with this image. I took photographs of food: Salami, crackers, coffee beans, coffee grind, water melon, ice, red pepper and apple. Assembled them into this collage. I like the end result. It looks both compelling yet disturbing. I shall be playing around some more.

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